I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
