So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
