I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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