I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
