apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
