She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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