I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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