you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
