I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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