Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
