All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
