You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
