Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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