I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
