"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
