Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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