Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
