he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
