We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
