my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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