Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
