walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
