Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
