you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
