Girls should come with a carfax report
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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