I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
