I hate your face
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
