is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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