My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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