okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
