well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
