Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
