We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
