I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
