he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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