Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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