He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
