After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
