oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
vagina is talking i cant
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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