I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
