Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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