the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
