There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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