I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
