how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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