i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
