I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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