Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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