Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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