I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
