Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
