Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
